Why I chose to get a roommate at 44 years old
Why an 'independent, liberated woman' decided to get a roomie
There is a lot of talk these days about how isolated our worlds are. How we live in little units of 1, 2, or 4 people in our little boxes. More and more studies show us that isolation is worse for us than a number of physical diseases like diabetes and heart disease and even smoking. And, that building our social connections seem to bolster our sense of happiness.
A free, and seemingly abundant and easy fix, right? Or is it? Just go make friends, and hang out with them.
However, most of don't find that to be as easy of a fix. As adults with busy lives, kids, work and managing all the things that keep our life going, there doesn't seem to be time and the effort it requires is more than we can sometimes manage, OR that effort isn't matched by others. #adulting.
'Social' media being less social, and more media, seems to drive us further into ourselves. But, there's been plenty written about that, so I won't beat that drum here.
Were we ever meant to live small groups and tend to all the things that life requires of us? Managing a home, car, body, kids, work, social life, cooking, cleaning etc? Of course, there is also the layer of living in a heavily driven capitalistic culture (at least, in the US, which is where I am currently located).
Over the past year, as I've returned back from trips and outings, alone, to my home, I felt kinda 'meh' about being home alone. Don't get me wrong, I love my home, and the space and community I've created. I also think I have made very strong efforts to be a community gatherer in my circle of friends. I wanted to check the box of being an 'independent, liberated woman'. Our culture tells us, that an 'independent, liberated woman' doesn't voluntarily live with someone she's not in a relationship with (most of the time).
I started wondering what it would be like to have someone live with me again. When I was young, I grew up in a household with 6 people; my mom, dad, aunt, uncle and grandma. I have very fond memories of spending time in the kitchen with my grandma and a house that almost always had some activity and movement going on it.
Separate from the financial benefit it would be to have some offset for my mortgage, more of my interest in living with someone was the social connection and social glue I was craving.
As circumstances would have it, a sweet friend reached out in December. Her landlord was selling the place she was staying in, and she had considered also rooming with someone and I had expressed the loneliness I was feeling in my own home when we had chatted in the past.
While we hadn't been the closest of friends before, (which might be a good thing when choosing to live with someone), it seemed like a good fit. We had conversations around our living styles, food preferences, boundaries around what is important to us in our personal lives and spaces, how we manage our pets and their rules as well.
We are about a month in, and so far, it has been a great fit. I find myself laughing more everyday, and running about to share memes and sharing breakfasts together (sharing memes is definitely one of my love languages!). Her pup and mine seem to do better with company, and with 2 people coming and going from the house, vs just me gone for hours sometimes with Bodhi being left alone.
Social connections can look a variety of ways, and this is one that seems to be a wonderful fit for me at this point in my life.
What if one of the ways we can fight back against late-stage capitalism and the inequity it brings, is to strengthen our social ties?
What about you? How do you deepen and maintain social connections? Is it a simple text thread with a group of friends that you share memes in? Do you get together on a regular weekly basis? Do you run errands with your friends? Share your thoughts below.